Ask Emily: The Lesbian Commitment Phobe

Commitment phobia seems to run rampant in the lesbian world these days. How can you tell if your girlfriend/partner is in the relationship for good and ready to commit? This week Relationship Expert, Emily Wilcox, takes commitment to a whole new level starting with one lesbian who is torturing herself by continually re-entering a bad relationship. How do you get out of the game-players hands and finally hold all the cards? Plus, the top 10 signs your in a dead end relationship!

Dear Emily,

I dated this girl for about a month. I am always the initiator of things. Yesterday I called her to see how she is doing because she has been in and out of the hospital. She responded by saying that she can't do this anymore and said she just wanted to be friends. After I tried to convenience her otherwise with no luck, I hung up. She called the next day as if it never happened and we talked for hours. I don't know if we are back on or what!

Thanks,

Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,

If you want to play games, then keep her around. Why are you letting her decide whether the relationship exists or not. You need to decide if you are "back on." Why is she the one in charge of your life and what you want?

She clearly does not respect you. And it may just be because she hasn't known you that long. If she said it was over and then called the next day like the conversation never happened then she is bad news -- trust me. She is already showing you that her communication skills are that of a kindergartener. Why would you even want to be with this chick is the real question. It's a pretty good indicator of bad communication skills on both your parts if you are writing to ask me if you guys are together or not. I certainly wouldn't know the answer!

Unfortunately, people like her are everywhere and most of us have dated someone like this at one point or another. They love to play games. The fact of the matter is that they believe there is something innately wrong with you if you like them-but they are unaware of this. They don't love themselves and therefore think you are a dumb ass for giving them the time of day. This is why when she said it was over on the phone and you didn't come running, she immediately liked you again. It's the push-pull relationship that is the most confusing of all.

So, if you want to waste time and get a cheap ego boost or make her go completely nuts, then stop calling her all together. She will suddenly fall head over heels and begin her incessant chase to get you back in her life. Because the minute you no longer like her, she thinks you are right. Hence, you must be perfect for her because you think as low of her as she does of herself.

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