A Call to Action to All Boob Starers!

What's the deal with boob starers? Were they not breastfed? Were they breastfed too long? Does improper breastfeeding leave a lasting scar like bad potty training? I don't know what causes boob staring, maybe you do. Perhaps it's a combination of childhood tragedy, a weaning trauma, or the lure of a deluxe cable package with easy access to Cinemax and the Spice Channel while you're working late.

I know you know what I'm talking about because if you have boobs, you've encountered boob starers. Boob starers are people who look right at your boobs while you are talking. They don't stare in a pained, lascivious, lustful way; it's usually a benign zombie stare. In fact, they can be any gender or sexual orientation. A couple nights ago I encountered a 60-year-old gay male boob starer. I was chatting with him and his partner of 30 years and he was inviting my knockers over for dinner.

Boob starers are like the cat when it's staring at a spot on the floor. You're across the room calling, "Fluffy, Fluffy, come here. Fluffy come eat your fancy feast!" And Fluffy's little ears are twitching and his tail is flicking up and down on the linoleum, but Fluffy won't look at you because he's compelled by invisible kitchen demons. Boob starers act just like Fluffy. They twitch their ears and keep talking to you. They respond to what you are saying. They answer questions and converse normally but never lift their gaze above your V-neck. If I'm talking to you and you are talking to my décolletage I'm just going to think you're a tool. Don't you know I can actually see you staring at my chest area?

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