lost

Hello,
I am new to this, so bare with me.I am 41 yrs old quite and withdrawn. I'm just looking to meet more women like myself. I feel kinda lost as of late really trying to get in touch with someone who understands.

I hope you dont mind me asking but why do you feel lost?
I would like to help if at all possible....

Hello,
I am sorry to hear you feel lost. At least on a good note you have joined this site and hopefully will meet wonderful people for friendship.

Have a nice day

Dawn

Well, I'm not really sure how much since, I will make. I have really been struggling of late. It has been four years that Debbie and I broke up. I have not been with anyone else. I am having trouble going on. I can not seem to fall out of love with her. I am not the type to date any one until I am able to give that personal of me. It just doesn't feel right to me to date when I still have feelings for another.

I am trying to make since of why she left me the way she did. We were living together and we made each other so happy. I know she loved me....I really do however, her husband began to give her grief about leaving him for a woman. He was going to deny her custody of her son. So I do know why she left, and I do understand. It would bother me if she did not put her son first. What has got me lost is how she left. We had such a wonderful bond it was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Out of the blue one day she woke up after a wonderful night together, and her husband came and picked her up....she left me. I want to understand but I cant. I cant trust my feelings because I was under the impression that our life together was untouchable. Then nothing....... I respect her decision but I feel she should have at least talked to me before she left not let me wake up and then start moving out. I had no warning.. I don't get it. I'm sorry ...this dont make since.

I can understand why you might feel lost after something like that. I had something happen with a girl years ago and it still isn't easy for me.

Let me now if you ever just wanna talk. I'm a great listener.

I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I am at a loss...sometimes the harder we try to understand the why of life's little mysteries the harder it is for us to cope. Just know that life does go on even if you dont want it too. You have to belive in yourself and belive that it was not you. Also know that you now have unbiased, unjudgemental people to talk too!!! I'm here if you wannt chat...

You might reach out to more than this website's participants.
Help picking up the pieces of your heart & dreams is something friends, families or a new social network, may offer. Going it alone was tough for me.
Consider making connections to help you cope with all that you're feeling & thinking. This website is a start, plus something more local in your own neighborhood, town or city.
Good Luck! After the pain, shock & hurt, please know that it does get better! It took me a long time & much work. I keep gaining in happiness, bit by bit.

That also happened to me a long time ago..and i vowed never ever to get involved with a woman whom is bi...they will break ur heart everytime. Iknow theyre are some women out there who are bi who are gonna really hate me for saying that..but when u sit on the fence and u can go either way....that only means one thing and that means ur gonna get ur heart broken. In your case her children had priority in ur relationship and the husband controlled the situation. Girl....theres nothing u can do cuz the mother will always choose her children. I think what she did was very cowardice.....i think she should have sat u down and told u how she felt and why she is about to do what she did. I think walking out like she did was really low. Girl I know u truly loved her from what u said....but the best thing u can do for yourself is to let her go. If u ever need to talk i have a kind ear to listen.....good luck hon...ciao.

Well I couldn't resist...

I do think it is unfair to state that a "bi" woman will break your heart every time. That is a universal black and white statement, and when it comes to the human heart and soul, I think rarely is there such thing as black or white. I also don't think it is a matter of "sitting on the fence." The heart wants what it wants, and often the heart makes choices that may seem illogical or even foolish to our own minds and others. We can not always help whom we love.

I think humans have this amazing capacity to love but often put constraints on love in the name of morality or religion, but more often or not through unacknowledged ignorance. Perhaps it is more of an all encompassing fear because we don't understand those things that seem so alien to ourselves; therefore we react negatively because we can not fathom another person's experiences or understand their heart or mind. Does this not sound familiar to everyone who is gay?

Who are any of us to judge another person on whom they love or how many people they love? Of course I am speaking about consensual love and relationships between adults. Isn't judging women who love both genders/sexes really making a moral judgment when in reality who we choose to love or how many we choose to love is neither a moral judgment nor an expression of our moral character, but simply a choice we all make?

And what about men who love both sexes? I know many men who have relationships with both sexes. Is there such a negative feedback towards "bi" men? Perhaps the issue is really women's inability to fully trust those they love and enter in with relationships. Of course one could argue that this is men's nature vs. women's nature that women tend to invest in relationships more than men, hence they might have more trouble trusting due to how intensely they invest. But now I digress...

At the end of the day, if a woman was going to leave me for another, I would rather she leave me for a man and not another woman. Quite simply, it means that I was probably incapable of providing her with that which she needed: a man. I can not be that for her. Whereas if she leaves me for another woman, then aye, perhaps there was something I could have given her and chose not to or believed I couldn't, when in reality, perhaps I should have simply tried harder and given more.

I think Charles Dickens said it best in "A Christmas Carol" Scrooge is appalled by the wolfish, twisted, craven forms of two children who cling to the Ghost of Christmas Present's Robes.
""They are Man's," said the Spirit, looking down upon them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it!" cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. "Slander those who tell it ye. Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And abide the end."

I would love to hear other's thoughts on this..
Cheers. Africa

well see we differ...cuz i would prefer my gf leave me for another woman than a man...cuz im sorry but i detest men....i dont like them but i tolerate them. If i was to fall in love with a woman whom was bi.....well i would love her and never let her go..and i would do anything i could to make her happy so that she would never think about straying to the dark side...well to a man. hahaha. But u see the gf i had whom was Bi .....like ages ago...well i never really had her and i shoulda known that. But it was like i was in lala land thinking everything was gonna turn out all peachy....when it was just a disaster and ya she left for the man ya she married him...what can i say i got my heart broke? So AFRICA i can see where u are coming from....and i hope u can see where i have been..and understand why i am thinking the way i am.....

First of all I would like to thank all of you for responding. I am grateful for the feed back. I just needed to know that I was not alone or crazy.
Second, as far as women who are bi I respect them. I do not have the ability to love both sexes. I have always known I was a lesbian, however I did try to deny it and got married. When my second child was born I left. I will never be with a man again. I too have been scared by men in my life. I hate the man that raped me. The men I watched beat my mother as well. I will not blame all men for the sin's of those that hurt me. There are good men out there, I just dont' want to sleep with them. My best friend is a man His wife is very lucky he is a wonderful man. I can only speak for myself but as a lesbian I look at the str8 world and scream why cant you see love does not see gender. So with that said who am I to say bi women can not love who they chose. There ability to do so only tells me they are not broken and scared as I am. That is in it's self is a great thing. My pain I do not wish on anyone. My desire to love freely, is something we all need to be allowed to do.

okiegirlsrock, That is understandable. We all have different experiences that shape how we view the world and ourselves. I've always just been a bit surprised by how vehemently some in the lesbian community crucify bisexual women. And no, I am not saying you are one of those who does that. Perhaps it is the idea of "having your cake and eating it too," that people often find inherently at odds with the ideas of what is both fair and appropriate behavior. As what they call a gold star lesbian, I've never really understood the attraction of men as sexual partners, but living in a chaotic world where humans often degrade love and abuse each other; I enthusiastically root for the progression of love and compassion in its many forms.

Angel, I wish you the best.

Ditto Africa....i also dont see the attraction to men.....i love my women soft and cuddly....hmmmm nice.

I have been in the same situation, but from the opposite end. I am not bi...I was, however in a relationship with a man for 3 years. I don't want to get into some sob story about my past... so i'll make it short to enlighten the psychology behind lost's loss. See, when I was in high school and decided to come out in my small southern town, i was chastised by friends, family, and other. I was not taught to be a strong individual, and in fact it was hard wired into me that i was to be submissive and act in fear. My mother even threatened to commit suicide if I maintained my lesbian relationships. I cowered and married a very abusive man after dating him for only 6 months. It made my family happy and so I didn't have external drama in my life...I didn't have to deal with the guilt of what coming out did to the only people in my sheltered life. I hated him, but just as I was taught, i allowed him to manipulate and control my life. I had two beautiful childrenwith him...I thought that maybe being a mother would help make my marriage feel real. I really did want to make it work, but it was destined for failure. Three years into I woke up one day and just couldn't take one more day of living the life that everyone else wanted for me (my family thinks I had a nervous breakdown, I just know that I could no longer live for them). I left him, met the love of my life, we now live together and are verrrrryyyyyy happy. It was not without fight though. There were times early on when my fears and lack of self worth caused me to want to fall into my exhusband's manipulation. He has threatened to take our children, and it was not until I spoke to a gay lawyer about the reality of that scenario that i found out that he could not touch my children based on my sexuality, that i actually broke away from his and my family's control and chaos. I'm sorry that your partner fell into the weakness of her past, but I can certainly understand it. See my past is now my past, but only since I have done some serious self work. I love my partner more than anything, and I know that my weaknesses early on hurt her tremendously. Your ex may have not been at a point in her life that she was strong enough to fight the manipulation that her ex bestowed on her. Sometimes, other people's powers over us is stronger than our own desires. I am sorry for your loss, because being on the other end of it, i know first hand the chaos and despair you and your ex must have gone through at this time. Know that unless she made decisions to put herself first, her decision had nothing to do with you...and everything to do with her own fears.

lovinlife.... if you could please email me. I really need to talk to you please.