Question Reguarding Technicalities

I have to ask and get a wide range of opinions on this. See, theres been a debate amongst a diverse group of individuals on weather or not getting fingered by a "persons" (not gender specific) is considered sex.

The deboggle is with a man and a woman typically this is only conidered second base or foreplay "usually". Now within the lesbian community this can easily be construed as a very intimate endevour, being inside someone and all. Many claim this is considered sex.

I kind of lean more towards it not being considered sex otherwise, much like vaginal sex, oral sex and anal sex it would be labeled like so. What are your thoughts? I do not believe I am wrong but am not opposed to being humbled. This has been a 50/50.

By the way, if everyone says it is sex, I never get to hear the end of this but lets begin.

Well, I'm no expert on the subject... But I've kind of always considered if there is genital contact in any form, skin to genitals, whether mouth, hand or inner thigh - it's sex. And that includes between straight couples doing oral or whatever.

I think the definition of sex needs a serious upgrade.

Needs a serious Upgrade? (NICE) I agree, otherwise being a gold star lesbian is like the equivallent of being The Virgine Mary.

Honestly though, fooling around, being intimate, etc I can accept with fingering. I just dont believe it is sex. I see your point but thats like saying dry humping or the art of the motor boating is a form of sex when it is more or less pre heating the oven.

Since I've always been into girls but have had occasional dalliances with boys back in the day, I considered finger fucking from a guy...not sex...mostly cuz I prolly didn't want to admit to having let them. But with girls, if I like someone enough to let her finger fuck me or vice versa...yes, it's sex.

But KuriousGirl...The art of motorboating? Uggg. I have a decent sized rack and my ex girlfriend, who was the best sex of my life in everyother way, wanted to motorboated my boobs all the time. I hated it. Only in those moments I felt like I was back in Junior High with the stupid boys wanting to get up in my boobs. I hate it. Not sexy. I can't even allow that there's an art to it. Lick, bite suck.,..fine. No motorboating. eeek...

*Laughing* Yes, motorboating is Undoubtedly a little outlandish. Theres just something about the word that catches my short attention span. I am actually more of the bitch so if theres any of that going on its not initiated from my end. Then again I get excited from hearing random phrases such as "Little Pink Button" Who does that?

Oh yeah, back to topic. So your saying that even back when you were living the straight life getting fingered was the same as having sex? You were just in denial?

Urgh, I think I am getting the hint. The only people that usually agree with me are the straight and bisexual friends. I do not anticipate to many people agreeing with me on here but I guess it was worth a shot.

Don't get me wrong KuriosGirl. I'm all about the dirtier the better with someone I'm really into, whose vetted and safe, so fingering doesn't always cut it but I propose...
that if you don't consider finger fucking sex, then where do you draw the line, one, two, three fingers, the entire fist? How is fisting not sex? And is anal fingering not sex? I don't know. I think you gotta call it sex.

This is going to come off all wrong but... If say you started some activities with a certain someone(a certain special lady friend, for instance) but then suddenly realized that it was not a good idea and stopped what was going on at that point before things got too hott and steamy. Sure, you were being sexual, doing stuff, fooling around etc but I dont believe this constitutes as literally fucking or getting fucked as you like to put it by this person,strange girl or whatever. Maybe we all come equiped with different moral dictionaries since Webster and Wikkapedia dont want to have the 9.0 upgrade. I do not know.

Why do I shutter when you speak of getting fisted? Does not sound too pleasant. I wouldnt consider that fucked however, it would fucking hurt.....so good...NOT...hmmm

I consider sex to be intercouse, with a man, or oral and finger or oral or strapon with a woman. Women don't have penises so I figure anything inside you counts!

I wanted to share my opinion. It may seem a bit clinical but, think about it. If you are at risk, it is sexual contact. This includes making love but can be fucking also.

I take issue with the word ‘foreplay’. It insinuates that all other acts are simply precursors to penetration and thus less important - typical male thinking. I also think that you can’t define X in terms of Y when it comes to lesbian sex and straight sex. Straight sexual practices involve male and female genitalia, lesbian sexual practices only involve female genitalia, so lesbian practices would necessarily be excluded from a heterosexual definition of ‘sex’.

I think if you’re going by the standard term for the act of reproduction - then sexual intercourse can only be one thing. But human practices are so diverse and hold different significance for individuals so I would go with defining what sex is for oneself. Personally I don’t think penetration is necessary for someone to say they’ve had sex.

Alright, remember when I said I was not opposed to being humbled? Well, I was not quite humbled but found a civilized rule of thumb to abide by “If anything is infiltrated in the special purpose place then it is considered sex” oh wait, “Damn It” make place plural. Forgot, some of us are freaks. I feel like I gave in too undemanding almost. Suddenly I sense myself starting to consider acts of flogging as sex since two people are getting off but sorry ladies, sex and orgasms are two different definitions. Thank you for your responses ladies. I found some of them rather amusing to say the least albeit I did not get to prove my young special lady friend wrong but oh well, I never cry over spilled milk. I just clean it up and go to the store to buy more. xxkg

Well I've popped a girls cherry before therefore I do consider it sex. If it weren't that wouldn't happen...lesbians and heterosexuals are two completely different things in my book. Foreplay doesn't usually produce an orgasam eigther...that's my opinion anyway...

So initially I wanted to write something very educated and informed regarding this thread, but what I really want to say is this: Hypthetically speaking, if a woman cheats on someone with another woman, it would not matter what form of sexual contact the two women had. It's not like she could use as defense "but I only finger fucked her!" Could you imagine the scorned lover, be it male of female, being like "oh, well in that case it's okay as long as you didn't have intercourse." NO! And for the record, by your definition of "sex", do you imply that two women could not actually have anything together that is considered sex?

I dont think hetersexual rules can be applied to lesbian sex. Its like applying a baseball rule to football. I guess i just dont agree with the whole premise of your argument.

I don't consider fingering to be 'fucking' but it is very intimate with men or women, and I'd only be comfortable with someone I could trust and was very close to.

I agree with previous comments that it's different in a lesbian context. In a hetero context, I think it's certainly more than second base. It's a prelude to penetration.

There's so many ways to view this specific subject. I think of sex with a girl, as oral sex. But the whole "being insid a girl" is pretty intimate. My ex-girlfriend said she had "sex" with everyone because to her making out, fingering, toy play, etc. was all sex to her, now that's just down right ridiculous. Hopefully I was some what of a help

I can tell you, When I'm in bed with my gf.
And we are both undressed. And her fingers are in me, and mine in her.. and we are pressed up against each other.. begging for more. Crying out in pleasure.. we are indeed... Having sex.

my2c....any kind of sustained genital contact is on the sex to "making L O V E" spectrum.

I think the argument about is this or that sex or not, is generally made by those who for whatever reason have regret about the interaction, feel guilty, or who are not secure in their right to a happy and fulfilling sex life. For example, younger people who desire sex and have interactions, but don't want to admit to themselves or others that they actually did something of consequence. They did what they did, but can't face up to the reality that they are no longer really a virgin. Or someone who is unfaithful like someone mentioned above.

Can their be degrees of intimacy, sure - but generally I think this has less to do with what you do and more to do with where you go emotionally. If you have an amazing lover, you go to places far beyond where a specific act or not can bring you.

Wow. Many different responses to this, but I think I would agree with <irishbirdy> most, but would add this:

I think intent is important. To me, you are having sex with someone when you do something deliberately to produce a sexual response. [It does not have to be consentual, either! EEK!)

irishbirdy wrote:

Mhm My BFF and I had a similar debate...
My argument was that I do not consider fingering sex, I may be biased in the matter as I personally despise penetration [I like genital-to-genital sex) My friend on the other hand does not even let her girlfriend touch her, she will only kiss her "down there" or finger her.

On the particular occasion that sparked this debate, my friend had not received any form of satisfaction, so what sex took place?