Forum : Site & Forum Suggestions : Let us know what you think! http://www.shewired.com/forum/ [b]okiegirlsrock[/b], That is understandable. We all have different experiences that shape how we view the world and ourselves. I've always just been a bit surprised by how vehemently some in the lesbian community crucify bisexual women. And no, I am not saying you are one of those who does that. Perhaps it is the idea of "having your cake and eating it too," that people often find inherently at odds with the ideas of what is both fair and appropriate behavior. As what they call a gold star lesbian, I've never really understood the attraction of men as sexual partners, but living in a chaotic world where humans often degrade love and abuse each other; I enthusiastically root for the progression of love and compassion in its many forms. [b]Angel[/b], I wish you the best. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=11C24B65-19BB-3778-624FACD3F89660BD&r=1 2009-11-20T13:22:43-08:00 lost First of all I would like to thank all of you for responding. I am grateful for the feed back. I just needed to know that I was not alone or crazy. Second, as far as women who are bi I respect them. I do not have the ability to love both sexes. I have always known I was a lesbian, however I did try to deny it and got married. When my second child was born I left. I will never be with a man again. I too have been scared by men in my life. I hate the man that raped me. The men I watched beat my mother as well. I will not blame all men for the sin's of those that hurt me. There are good men out there, I just dont' want to sleep with them. My best friend is a man His wife is very lucky he is a wonderful man. I can only speak for myself but as a lesbian I look at the str8 world and scream why cant you see love does not see gender. So with that said who am I to say bi women can not love who they chose. There ability to do so only tells me they are not broken and scared as I am. That is in it's self is a great thing. My pain I do not wish on anyone. My desire to love freely, is something we all need to be allowed to do. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=116F9335-19BB-3778-623C91E216B4D236&r=2 2009-11-20T11:52:22-08:00 lost well see we differ...cuz i would prefer my gf leave me for another woman than a man...cuz im sorry but i detest men....i dont like them but i tolerate them. If i was to fall in love with a woman whom was bi.....well i would love her and never let her go..and i would do anything i could to make her happy so that she would never think about straying to the dark side...well to a man. hahaha. But u see the gf i had whom was Bi .....like ages ago...well i never really had her and i shoulda known that. But it was like i was in lala land thinking everything was gonna turn out all peachy....when it was just a disaster and ya she left for the man ya she married him...what can i say i got my heart broke? So AFRICA i can see where u are coming from....and i hope u can see where i have been..and understand why i am thinking the way i am..... http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=104C8CCB-19BB-3778-6280D5485CA6003C&r=3 2009-11-20T06:34:29-08:00 lost Well I couldn't resist... I do think it is unfair to state that a "bi" woman will break your heart every time. That is a universal black and white statement, and when it comes to the human heart and soul, I think rarely is there such thing as black or white. I also don't think it is a matter of "sitting on the fence." The heart wants what it wants, and often the heart makes choices that may seem illogical or even foolish to our own minds and others. We can not always help whom we love. I think humans have this amazing capacity to love but often put constraints on love in the name of morality or religion, but more often or not through unacknowledged ignorance. Perhaps it is more of an all encompassing fear because we don't understand those things that seem so alien to ourselves; therefore we react negatively because we can not fathom another person's experiences or understand their heart or mind. Does this not sound familiar to everyone who is gay? Who are any of us to judge another person on whom they love or how many people they love? Of course I am speaking about consensual love and relationships between adults. Isn't judging women who love both genders/sexes really making a moral judgment when in reality who we choose to love or how many we choose to love is neither a moral judgment nor an expression of our moral character, but simply a choice we all make? And what about men who love both sexes? I know many men who have relationships with both sexes. Is there such a negative feedback towards "bi" men? Perhaps the issue is really women's inability to fully trust those they love and enter in with relationships. Of course one could argue that this is men's nature vs. women's nature that women tend to invest in relationships more than men, hence they might have more trouble trusting due to how intensely they invest. But now I digress... At the end of the day, if a woman was going to leave me for another, I would rather she leave me for a man and not another woman. Quite simply, it means that I was probably incapable of providing her with that which she needed: a man. I can not be that for her. Whereas if she leaves me for another woman, then aye, perhaps there was something I could have given her and chose not to or believed I couldn't, when in reality, perhaps I should have simply tried harder and given more. I think Charles Dickens said it best in "A Christmas Carol" Scrooge is appalled by the wolfish, twisted, craven forms of two children who cling to the Ghost of Christmas Present's Robes. ""They are Man's," said the Spirit, looking down upon them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. [b]This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased.[/b] Deny it!" cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. "Slander those who tell it ye. Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And abide the end." I would love to hear other's thoughts on this.. Cheers. Africa http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=0D76DF02-19BB-3778-625726D2BEFB1525&r=4 2009-11-19T17:21:51-08:00 lost That also happened to me a long time ago..and i vowed never ever to get involved with a woman whom is bi...they will break ur heart everytime. Iknow theyre are some women out there who are bi who are gonna really hate me for saying that..but when u sit on the fence and u can go either way....that only means one thing and that means ur gonna get ur heart broken. In your case her children had priority in ur relationship and the husband controlled the situation. Girl....theres nothing u can do cuz the mother will always choose her children. I think what she did was very cowardice.....i think she should have sat u down and told u how she felt and why she is about to do what she did. I think walking out like she did was really low. Girl I know u truly loved her from what u said....but the best thing u can do for yourself is to let her go. If u ever need to talk i have a kind ear to listen.....good luck hon...ciao. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=0B4308FD-19BB-3778-62B8F88A04C979AE&r=5 2009-11-19T07:06:00-08:00 lost You might reach out to more than this website's participants. Help picking up the pieces of your heart & dreams is something friends, families or a new social network, may offer. Going it alone was tough for me. Consider making connections to help you cope with all that you're feeling & thinking. This website is a start, plus something more local in your own neighborhood, town or city. Good Luck! After the pain, shock & hurt, please know that it does get better! It took me a long time & much work. I keep gaining in happiness, bit by bit.:wink: http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=0B0B392D-19BB-3778-62BD53B05A80D23E&r=6 2009-11-19T06:05:02-08:00 lost I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I am at a loss...sometimes the harder we try to understand the why of life's little mysteries the harder it is for us to cope. Just know that life does go on even if you dont want it too. You have to belive in yourself and belive that it was not you. Also know that you now have unbiased, unjudgemental people to talk too!!! :) I'm here if you wannt chat... http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=0A48343A-19BB-3778-62A434DAF0633B71&r=7 2009-11-19T02:32:01-08:00 lost I can understand why you might feel lost after something like that. I had something happen with a girl years ago and it still isn't easy for me. Let me now if you ever just wanna talk. I'm a great listener. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=0A0C2DC0-19BB-3778-62373520BCE8A3CF&r=8 2009-11-19T01:26:28-08:00 lost Well, I'm not really sure how much since, I will make. I have really been struggling of late. It has been four years that Debbie and I broke up. I have not been with anyone else. I am having trouble going on. I can not seem to fall out of love with her. I am not the type to date any one until I am able to give that personal of me. It just doesn't feel right to me to date when I still have feelings for another. I am trying to make since of why she left me the way she did. We were living together and we made each other so happy. I know she loved me....I really do however, her husband began to give her grief about leaving him for a woman. He was going to deny her custody of her son. So I do know why she left, and I do understand. It would bother me if she did not put her son first. What has got me lost is how she left. We had such a wonderful bond it was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Out of the blue one day she woke up after a wonderful night together, and her husband came and picked her up....she left me. I want to understand but I cant. I cant trust my feelings because I was under the impression that our life together was untouchable. Then nothing....... I respect her decision but I feel she should have at least talked to me before she left not let me wake up and then start moving out. I had no warning.. I don't get it. I'm sorry ...this dont make since. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=0854A3D9-19BB-3778-627AFEF3C0F88F8B&r=9 2009-11-18T17:26:22-08:00 lost Hello, I am sorry to hear you feel lost. At least on a good note you have joined this site and hopefully will meet wonderful people for friendship. Have a nice day Dawn http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=07BAF1D0-19BB-3778-62DD9CA2003C83E9&r=10 2009-11-18T14:38:29-08:00 lost I hope you dont mind me asking but why do you feel lost? I would like to help if at all possible.... http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=056AFA92-19BB-3778-62F29D891230E7FD&r=11 2009-11-18T03:51:54-08:00 lost Hello, I am new to this, so bare with me.I am 41 yrs old quite and withdrawn. I'm just looking to meet more women like myself. I feel kinda lost as of late really trying to get in touch with someone who understands. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=048964A3-19BB-3778-6231F71FC414065F&r=12 2009-11-17T23:45:30-08:00 lost This site is full of technical glitches...basically, it is very difficult and frustrating. I think it is the "red-headed stepchild" of the Here! network. It is poorly designed and the video section is pathetic. If shewired plans on competing with other lesbian-content oriented sites like afterellen.com and advocate. com (which caters more to gay men than lesbians), they are going to have to step up their game. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=B5691C24-19BB-3778-62424DD93BF35257&r=13 2009-11-02T15:00:15-08:00 Help!! It occurs when you try to insert or update a string or binary column with a value that is too large. Can be solved by changing varchar(50) to varchar(100) for example in the table declarations. The Webby would have to redefine the variable. Outside of that, -because waiting is a pain- This is the best way to get the update until the Webby extends those character limits. You, yourself could try to shorten character counts that you are entering into the fields. Since it's hard even as a programmer to tell which fields throw this error, it might be a good idea to reduce all the text per field that will go inserted. TIP: Put the original text in a word document and copy paste, because you might need to make adjustments several times before you find the actual character count that goes accepted. (This will help avoid re-writing a profile over and over again.) So, if error occurs after the second draft, again shorten the original text more for a third draft and try again. Continue until it goes through and before you close the word document check to see the character limits. Remember them for the next update you want to do. It would help if there was a character count on fields like that always, right? :lol: *From what I understand the site was hacked and the programmer is still trying to correct the problems running rampage. When I log out I still have my hot topic's links thrown across the page when I visit the home page. When I log in the links are on the target field correctly. Anyway, I'm sure she/he/they whatever will get around to fixing it all eventually, but for now we have to eat bugs.* -Meg [quote="Glowworm"][u]I have been trying for months to update my profile information and every single time I do it an error comes up.Doe anyone know what this is all about and what I can do to fix it so I can actually have stuff about me on my profile??[/u][/quote] http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=74DF238C-19BB-3778-62951C3D8D2BBC98&r=14 2009-10-21T02:13:51-08:00 Help!! I have been trying for months to update my profile information and every single time I do it an error comes up: The following information is meant for the website developer for debugging purposes. Error Occurred While Processing Request Error Executing Database Query. [Macromedia][SQLServer JDBC Driver][SQLServer]String or binary data would be truncated. Resources: * Enable Robust Exception Information to provide greater detail about the source of errors. In the Administrator, click Debugging & Logging > Debug Output Settings, and select the Robust Exception Information option. * Check the ColdFusion documentation to verify that you are using the correct syntax. * Search the Knowledge Base to find a solution to your problem. Browser Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.9.0.14) Gecko/2009082707 Firefox/3.0.14 (.NET CLR 3.5.30729) Remote Address 24.236.209.12 Referrer http://www.shewired.com/ProfileMod.cfm Date/Time 19-Oct-09 10:22 PM Doe anyone know what this is all about and what I can do to fix it so I can actually have stuff about me on my profile?? Thanks :D http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=70680FEE-19BB-3778-62C570C7CE775589&r=15 2009-10-20T05:25:18-08:00 Help!! I agree, as a new member (finally) I have a few gripes. The first seeming fixed now, my IE browser at 1024x768 resolution caused the hot topic text links to skew across the home page, missing the gray location bar. Again, this seems fixed now since I no longer experience that specific issue. Another thing I find problematic is with the registry, located in the new member section in green text against the gray backdrop. This does not really stand out, yet the Log-in is immediate and above the fold. I spent a great deal of time overlooking the tiny [register] link in its current given location. I jumped immediately to the staff featured articles since this is a spot light, then would return to the home page in search to join but gave up trying to locate the registry button because it?s easy to overlook. Anyway, I think the registry should be moved up near the log-in since in the end, I just kept activating the log-in {go button} with the fields blank until it sent me to a bare white page with a registry link in brilliant blue. I have other suggestions but I do not want to seem like a "problem child". Those were my top two complaints. :P [u][i][quote="Cat"]The home page is a bit chaotic.... maybe a bit of re-organizing is in order?[/quote][/i][/u] http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=CBD8AF90-19BB-3778-623753F5EA651534&r=16 2009-09-18T06:30:58-08:00 Your Thoughts... Thanks heaps PlaneJane! That was way too tricky - I don't think I would've worked it out before [i]next[/i] thursday without your breakdown. And as for the timezones, it's live at 4am for me... but am going to see if I can wake up for this one. Cheers and have a great day, Kirsten. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=C86CE39E-19BB-3778-62A3236839EB1C87&r=17 2009-09-17T14:34:22-08:00 How can I watch live? A little help. Hey Kirsten, To watch the live episode of TGAO just go to the shewired page that announces the show. On the second page the channel to the show will open (takes a little while). Please note that it seems to work best with Firefox. Until the show goes live you will see a loop of previous episodes. As soon as the 'on air' button turns red and says 'live' then the live episode begins. If the picture does not change you may need to refresh the screen (may need to do this several times). The chat is also on this page. You can sign in with your chatroll account (www.chatroll.com) or as a guest (click on 'guest', use the default guestname or type a different one, and press the go button). To watch the video and chat at the same time: At the bottom right of the chatbox there is a little icon 'popout' that lets the chat open in a separate window. This window can then be placed anywhere you want on the screen. Hope this was helpful. Enjoy! :D Note: TGAO begins at 7 pm PST, which is 10 pm EST, 04:00 CET and 03:00 in the UK. (:wink: I think I have the timezone calculation correct, but please make sure to check for yourself) http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=C78406B9-19BB-3778-62FF6B50D6FF7A3E&r=18 2009-09-17T10:20:01-08:00 How can I watch live? A little help. Hi, If somebody could clue me in, would be awesome. I want to watch The Gloves Are Off when it streams live on thurs. How do I find it live? And how do I find the chatroom? Kirsten. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=C4829BC9-19BB-3778-625DA598680DD5C9&r=19 2009-09-16T20:19:37-08:00 How can I watch live? A little help. Hey tippidy....go to www.singlesnet.com the chatroom is free i joined so that i could send emails, in order to do that u have to pay the subscription but i get messages everyday and u also get to see all the eligible women in ur area.....its great i love it and i met the love of my life there ......and i have only been on for about 3 weeks.....check out the chatroom and the profiles and bios on everyone u will have fun hooking up and meeting all the great women. Good Luck!! ciao. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=AB2A11E6-19BB-3778-627416A9856416EB&r=20 2009-09-11T22:12:24-08:00 I live in a small town