Forum : Got a Problem? : Advice and support from your peers. http://www.shewired.com/forum/ I'm certainly no expert, but any time anyone has something that they feel will eventually need to be said should just say it right away. It serves two purposes, one being straightforward and honest and the other to weed out the people who can't handle it before you get too involved and perhaps attached. My advice in all situations where people may freak out, the less you freak out or feel uncomfortable, the less others do. If she is comfortable, honest and has a good self-image, the rest of the world will feel comfortable and fall in line. It is work, though. I wish her luck. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=13932AD9-19BB-3778-628E29E82F381117&r=1 2009-11-20T21:50:29-08:00 transgender Hi, I have a post-op M2F friend whose has major concerns about dating women due to being trans. She is beautiful, really nice, and for the most part you would never know. She is scared to start dating as she does not know how women are going to react when they find out. I told her she should be open and honest and people will accept her for who she is; a women. Does anyone have some advice as to whether her fears are warranted, or what she could do to be more relaxed in telling people. Is there a good time to tell; to early or too late? Any advice I can pass on? Thanks R. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=1351E737-19BB-3778-620BAD06BFB563D6&r=2 2009-11-20T20:39:12-08:00 transgender Thanks dawn.....ya but at least u actually got to meet ur girl....i have yet to see mine hahaha...but i dont talk to her anymore. We dont really communicate but i am talking to other girls and meeting some really awesome girls...getting to know them and yeah one girl even met me for a date. It didnt work out we decided just to be friends but at least im getting out there and thats alot better than this girl i talked to can even say-the girl who just loves to play games. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=0B3876A9-19BB-3778-626A0189A9AFE76F&r=3 2009-11-19T06:54:27-08:00 Girls who play games... Oh my, I agree this sis a sick thing, but on a good note at least you are able to see the light and move on the better things in life. It is just bad to think she would do this type of thing with many other people. In the end I guess it is just best to let it go. I can relate I am in a similar situation. I met a girl, we became friends. But every time I try to get her alone and ask her on a date, she says she is busy, or has to work a lot. For now I decided to just remain friends, and hopefully in time more will come. Good luck on finding happiness. Dawn http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=FE405190-19BB-3778-62EF8837D26A9E01&r=4 2009-11-16T18:27:58-08:00 Girls who play games... Hello Cass, You sound so wonderful and deserve nothing but the best in a relationship. All the responses are great advice. I would say follow your heart towards happiness. The most important thing is being true to yourself and finding what makes you feel good in life. As for the girl you like, I would not worry about the small things, in the end it may work out for the best. I know we all live crazy busy schedules at times, but if she likes you in any kind of way, even just as a friend then she will find the time for you. Perhaps simply getting to know each other as friends with no other thoughts beyond friendship. Some women are scared of dating and a possibly relationship. If you two just become friends, you may even learn more about each other to see if more will develop form friendship. I can relate to your situation, as I am also stuck in same type of issue. I meet somebody, who is friendly and cute. I like her a lot, and we have gotten to know each other as friends. We have even gone on a small trip together, as friends only. However every time I try to get her alone to ask her on a date, she seems to be too busy. Finally I decided to keep building on the friendship, and perhaps more will come in time. No matter how it works out I wish you the best. Dawn http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=FDABF6A1-19BB-3778-628C591F1CE9963D&r=5 2009-11-16T15:45:55-08:00 Used...? OMG I have heard a version of this story over and over...even though the rendition is different it only leads to the same conclusion. You really need to look out the box..out of ur feelings for this girl and realize she is so not ur dream date....ur better then this. I know its hard i havent had a date in 8 months becuz here there just arent any women to meet. so i know what ur feeling and what ya want.....but she is playing u and if she knows ur gonna hand over money to her everytime ....girl she will be there...i say cut the strings. I hate to really say cuz i dont know her but from what u have said i think she is using u to get what she wants......i hope this helps u and i really hope u can do whats right within ur heart. The question u really need to ask yourself is what has she done for you? If u can answer that question truthfully then u have ur answer...good luck cass. ciao. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=FB921E18-19BB-3778-62798BD20F147132&r=6 2009-11-16T05:58:27-08:00 Used...? Well there are so many RED FLAGS going off that it's a wonder you even need to ask...she sounds like she's using you for sure! I would ask myself why am I wanting to even spend time with this person, who you had to coax into going out to lunch with you and you paid? And she borrowed money which she has yet to pay back after only just meeting you??? [b]My question for you is this[/b], [b]what on earth does this person offer you[/b]? Just because you don't know many people in town, doesn't mean you have to get to know this one...whenever you feel uneasy about how someone is acting, there is generally an underlying reason. In other words, go with your gut... http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=FA96467E-19BB-3778-6246F0F5F066E2FB&r=7 2009-11-16T01:23:22-08:00 Used...? Okay so this isn't a HUGE problem or anything...but it's leaving me puzzled and seeking advice. I have recently (in the past 3 months ) moved to a new city. I have had some trouble meeting people of my same age and making new friends to hang out with. Eventually I started talking to a girl a met at a bar and ended up gaving her my number. For the next week we texted each other like crazy. I saw her out a few times after that. I really wanted to start to get to know this girl... so I asked her to hang out. She agreed, and then never called or followed through on plans. I have seen her 2 times outside of the bar for a total of maybe 3 hours. We've had some nice kisses... but I feel like she's hot & cold. I can't read her. She's funny and sweet but she is TOTALLY different than me. She has clearly had a much tougher life than I...home-made tattoos, never finished high-school, lives with her mom, has no money (who does tho...??) and has no phone. I recently took her out to lunch (after much persuasion on my part) to celebrate her getting a job. No "thank you". She says she likes me. She says she has fun with me..but is too busy to hang out. I guess I'm not totally seeking a relationship or a hook-up... but at least a friendship- and she's making that very difficult. So I never see her outside of a bar, she never really contacts me unless she needs something... She has recently asked me if she could borrow some money to get to and from work for a while... It's not a TON of money...but enough to make me question what the hell I was thinking when I gave in. She thanked me and promised to pay me back. In all honesty... I don't know her that well... I don't care if she doesn't pay me back though cuz I feel like I'm helping someone who really needs it. So... I guess I just need some advice on my next move... Am I a fool or what? Should I cut the cord? Step back...? Ignore her..? Keep persuing a friendship? http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=FA8D07B5-19BB-3778-62B1BD5A2D609F2A&r=8 2009-11-16T01:13:16-08:00 Used...? Anger is as passionate as Love is. Ask any therapist. Anger is an emotion. Now what you have to do is find out the depth of the emotion that causes the anger because it just could be something that would settle in a nice sexual encounter to release the passion of the anger in a place where you both could express yourselves in ways to each other, like tying each other up and kissing each other until you scream; using toys, being assertive; in partnerships, sometimes the other partner is not getting what she wants and she gets angry; if the other partner thinks it's ok and there is a blow up, it could be that the other partner cannot express her desires for whatever reason. I like to experiment when my partner gets angry. I like to come from behind and trigger her senses in a way that catches her off guard, and sometimes we just end up on the floor where we start because it may be that a change of pace to keep up the mood, because the passion is obviously still there, can be deeply interwoven into the skill of transmuting anger with love and finding that getting nasty and thrusting that love around assertively, will work the sweat and anger up to the deliverance of forgiveness and a trek to both of your favorite "fishing" hole so to speak. We all get mixed up sometimes with anger and love. I speak for myself when my needs are not getting met; I get angry. And I want to do something different, not necessarily with anyone else, because she knows me. I like that. But I might want something different and if she's open to that...we have a WOW of a time. And it opens doors for other things when we get like that...because the bottom line is "all womyn are bitches" it's the level we take it with our partners in a deserving way, not in a violent way that can make or break the relationship. We all have bad days and we all take out our frustrations on the ones we love because they are our safe zones not just in friendships but in love relationships. But in the heat of the anger moment, if you turn that around, it's as passionate as the best sex you have ever had with your lover! http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=C2B35FBC-19BB-3778-6233436CF76BC1EE&r=9 2009-11-05T04:56:25-08:00 my partners anger problem I also have been through this and it's pretty complicated cos this is her personality, I mean in my case was, my x was very agressive and angry all the time and I just couldn't handle that, she'd never change and after a while she started hitting me cos she couldnt control her anger anymore and she'd blame me for everything so I didn't have an option...but if there's love maybe therapy, I don't know... =/ http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=BB5F57F1-19BB-3778-628941816F8BB88C&r=10 2009-11-03T18:47:18-08:00 my partners anger problem This is what I would do: DUMP. HER . ASS!! http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=BA7FC205-19BB-3778-62F0D00CAB9FB3DF&r=11 2009-11-03T14:43:05-08:00 my partners anger problem Hey girl....i had a really similar situation...my partner use to always yelll and cuss at me when i forget things and would call me stupid and ignorant all the time. She would blow up also at the littliest things and yes it was quite embarrassing. When she had these episodes i would just cower inside myself and become very depressed which was not at all good for me. I became very quiet did not talk and was very silent. Everyone at work knew what was going on because they said i changed i wasnt happy i was so depressed and i didnt smile. But the thing is she was the most unromantic woman i have ever been with....so girl heres what i did ....i left her. When i did i lost the 60 lbs i gained when i ate loads of food cuz i was so depressed....i got my personality back ppl at work say damn what happened u look great ur so happy and leaving her was the best thing for u....so i hate to say baby but u need a change of life ....maybe leaving her isnt what u want. But hon it sounds like shes getting really violent i would be very careful and cautious and really think about what u really need and want to do. Maybe u need to see a therapist or talk to a really good friend...but hon maybe all u need is just to talk to her and tell her how u feel and she needs to do something or u might leave her....if she loves you she will try to change. I hope this helps you. But if i was you....i hate to say it but i would leave her and find my peace of mind that you so desire. ciao. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=B0D7186D-19BB-3778-62FE7B6B6B457DCE&r=12 2009-11-01T17:42:16-08:00 my partners anger problem My partner has a bad anger problem,she blows up over the littlest of things(I think),,somethings include road rage,poor service at a rest, or a certain look someone or even me gives her,and it takes a longggggg tine to get over it,,Many times I try to calm her and tell her relax ,its not worth it,,I take it lightly she says and thinks I am thinking she is foolish or crazy and not sticking up for her,,,all that wasting of breath discussing it wears me out and soon I start to get pissed off and then it blows up into something bigger and bigger..she says I don't listen or respect her opinions and so forth,,honestly this wears me out and it does get into a shouting match,,I just want to get up and go and get some air but that makes it worse,,she tells me I am always running,,,no I just want a break,,,There was one time I was threatened that I'd better sit down or I would have been hit with something..I am tired of her anger spells and to be honest I sm beginning to get scared of her and don't want to be close to her or affecionate..this has been a problem ,saying she is lacking intimacy and love and so on,But everything is connected.It has been about 5 yrs or so but the anger has gotten worse, I find myself being more angry than happy when I am with her. I used to be a happy person,She also thinks we don't communicate well..I think I am afraid to say anything because I fear her getting mad. I do love her but find it hard to deal with this situation,,please many advice would be appreciated,,,please,,,,,:!: http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=ACB499B1-19BB-3778-627CC84E11E86429&r=13 2009-10-31T22:26:07-08:00 my partners anger problem Why does it matter so much to you what they think? You do not have children, correct? No one can doing anything to you if you came out. They're simply ignorant. I came out after being married to a man. I live in Massachusetts, so his threats about taking the kids because Im a lesbian were quickly squashed. But my point is, living authentically has been the greatest blessing. To feel the freedom to love whomever you want, however you want, is incredible and liberating. I truly hope you will be able to liberate yourself from the bonds of your marriage. You will never be completely happy until you do. Good luck! http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=4FB940E9-19BB-3778-62E32939EDC5AD5E&r=14 2009-10-13T21:06:31-08:00 Lesbian stuck in hetero-marriage There are many of us who know the pain you are going through and all that it encompasses. There are many resources and support sites on the web. I have started a blog to document my own journey which began 2 years ago. It is a journey full of ups and downs, joys and sadness. Unfortunately, this is a process that you must go through alone but there are lots of us out there that can support you and help make it feel a lot less lonely and scary. My blog is www.theawakeningofsasha.com. I hope it will offer you some comfort. Sasha. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=4EA98FA7-19BB-3778-62F67FA958545442&r=15 2009-10-13T16:09:45-08:00 Lesbian stuck in hetero-marriage 1st of all- I think you are very brave for realizing your situation and seeking advice for it. 2nd of all- as others have mentioned... your happiness is honestly the MOST important thing in your life. If you are not happy- how can you make anyone else in your life happy??? Be who you are, take the time to seek out who you want to be, and realize that this situation is just another bump along the road of life. I agree with the above posting- just file for irreconsilable differences- and try to remain friends with your in-laws/family. Move to a different state- or even travel and visit more lgbt friendly cities. YOU ARE TOO YOUNG to be so miserable! Good luck and don't be ashamed of who you are. http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=4DBA3C2E-19BB-3778-62253DE31C8C7E19&r=16 2009-10-13T11:48:21-08:00 Lesbian stuck in hetero-marriage :( I was on a dating site and i had a girl talking to me. She was saying all the right things and wanting to meet. So i drive an hour to the city where we meet and then i wait for hours and she doesnt even show up so i drive home. She calls me gives me a story that her ex stole her cell phone and she is so jealous of her but they have been broke up for 6 yrs....i wont go into all the stories but i just dont get it. I have been stood up by the same girl for at least 4 or 5 times....she always calls or texts about all the excuses why she cant meet me.....what the hell? Can anyone tell me out there what is their motive? Do they get off on doing this to ppl who actually want to meet them? Well i will tell you i dumped her like a hot potato comin out of the oven....oh yes. I sure have. But now my friend has also been getting the same story from her.....I warned my friend oh but she is so excited about what this girl is doing to her ......what the hell? Am i the only one who thinks this is really sick? Is it kinda crazy that ppl really get off on this kind of manipulation? This girl is lying to them and they seem to eat it up and love it .....ok girls lets hear if u have similar stories or am i the only one who got conned? http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=4BD7CDA2-19BB-3778-62E54D6226D548A0&r=17 2009-10-13T03:01:24-08:00 Girls who play games... Ahhh...., that's a tough one, but i'll give it a try. First of all Dana21, do your GF feel the same way as you....cause if you're the only one ranting and raving about what's going on than everyone will make it seem like you're over-reacting. But if your GF feel the same way, than the both of you need to tell your acquaintances to stop trivializing your relationship and show the both of you some respect....the reason i say acquaintances is i assumed you hang out with them because they have your phone numbers, so i figured one of you gave it to them. So just invite them over or meet them for coffee somewhere, but make sure its not in a party atmosphere or at night, try to meet in the afternoon so they wil try to understand how serious this is to you both. But your GF has to be on the same page as you or they're just going to think your over-reacting. That's all i have, hope it was helpful...GoodLuck!! http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=40308A4A-19BB-3778-629D865A6EC654C1&r=18 2009-10-10T20:42:53-08:00 token lez in small town AHHH! ok i need some advice. i am newly out of the closet in a wonderful relationship with a woman who has been out for 15 years. we moved to a beautiful beach town together where we really are the only young gay women! we're both cute i guess so these ignorant people who think all gays are stereo types treat us as if we're freakn party favors and like our relationship isn't legit. cause we're "too cute" to be gay. or don't "act like other gays". one of out friends actually text my partner while she was having sex with her old fat boyfriend and refered it as hot that they stopped to text her. all of these girls who think its hot or sexy or want to kiss a girl or flirt are really starting to piss me off! my GF has delt with this before and honestly has been "that girl" to a lot of straight women. she has since learned how aweful that is obviously but its new to me and i am pissed. i feel disrespected!! like they think we're just experimenting or would say yes to another couple or married woman wanting making sexual comments. like its not insulting. they would never do that to a straight couple or any of their other friends! AHHHHHHHHHHH i know this happens but i want to go nuts on these people! help! Dana http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=3AC14306-19BB-3778-6205AD91C1090E47&r=19 2009-10-09T19:23:14-08:00 token lez in small town 3!! http://www.shewired.com/forum/messages.cfm?messageid=A2BA01C3-19BB-3778-62A86F3C593ECC09&r=20 2009-09-10T06:53:02-08:00 How?!?